Things Are Finally Changing

So it’s been over a month since my last post, mainly because nothing exciting has been happening in my life. The semester ended, I’ve been staying at my parents’ house spending every day with my dog, and applying for any job listing that pops up on my radar. However, just recently things have started to pick up and I’m starting to feel like my summer is officially beginning.

I have a lot of goals for the rest of the year, but none of those goals could have been accomplished without a job. I’ve been busting my ass since mid-semester trying to get someone, anyone, to call me for an interview. I was starting to lose hope and motivation. But a few weeks ago, I FINALLY got an interview at a portrait studio, which is the job I’ve been wanting the most this entire time. Plenty of people have told me “beggars can’t be choosers” during this process, but I just couldn’t help putting my all into getting that job. Fast-forward to a few days ago when I got the call I had been waiting for and was told that I’m joining the team.

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I am so incredibly proud of myself and ready to work my ass off at this job in order to achieve the things I deserve. In fact, this past week has been a lot of making decisions for myself. My ex, J and I are no longer on speaking terms because I finally realized that I need more time for myself to contemplate our breakup and myself and our relationship/friendship. The longest we have ever gone without talking has been 3 weeks, and I know now that in order to save our friendship, we need more time without each other. I could probably write pages on pages about my relationship with J, but I’ve made this decision and after a final phone call that occurred this morning that heavy feeling in my chest is lighter. I’m going to miss him, but I’m really looking forward to the time when I find myself not thinking about him every day.

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And in my photography world! I finally did a photoshoot with one of my friends! That’s Mary up there, looking like a woodland princess. I did a lot of things wrong with this “shoot” (it was a very spur of the moment thing and the sun was going down in 30 minutes) but I got a few shots that I am pretty proud of and am glad that I finally got some photos to play around with. Another goal of mine is to finally figure out my shooting and editing style. I wanted to make this shoot seem kind of “fantasy-like” but I don’t actually think it’s my style.

The photos just naturally turned out this way because I had originally told my friends that I wanted them to wear clothes that they felt reflected who they are and that I would shoot pictures that do the same. And these photos really reflect Mary.

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I uploaded the other pictures on my Flickr–which I’ve finally created–and I hope to post more over the next few months.

As I’ve mentioned before, I hate making big declarations about myself because in the past they’ve just ended up being meaningless. But I do think this summer is all about focusing on myself–who I am without J, how far my potential goes, and hopefully, getting a better hold on my emotions. Perhaps the biggest goal I can mention in this post is to become emotionally stable. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m unstable but I’ve learned a lot from my previous relationship about mistakes I’ve made, and how my solvable flaws affect someone else, that I don’t ever want to repeat them again. Of course, a lot of it is a result of my depression and anxiety, but I’ve come so far and I know I can go further.

Caro

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