Even though I know the consequences of drinking coffee at night I still continue to do it, and I won’t stop! Actually, now that I think about it I should probably just drink decaf at night.
Haven’t made another post in a while because I’ve been trying to think about what to write and consistently falling short of ideas. I still haven’t decided what I want this blog to be so for the mean time it’ll probably just be late night caffeinated ramblings. Especially because I prefer to write at night anyway. The day time is too loud.
Recently I mentioned that I was going to be taking baby steps towards something, and at the time I didn’t exactly know what. I’ve been working on becoming more active on social media, but a few weeks ago I was in a place where I decided I should finally work hard toward something I just didn’t know what that would be.
But just naturally I started falling back into learning about photography. I’ve been watching videos, reading books (I made a nightly trip to me campus’ library to check out 4 books), and even got my hands on a friends’ DSLR to practice! It’s kind of surprised me how out of all of my hobbies photography is the one that feels the most natural for me to work on.
Music comes second. Not many people know that I’m a singer-songwriter, and as talented as I am music is something that never got the effort I should have put in. But lately, I’ve been picking up my guitar more, and trying to practice a single song over and over until I have it memorized. Those closest to me know how I’ve always wanted to do an open mic, and I don’t know if I ever will, but I’m taking these steps which is more than I’ve ever done.
There’s only a month left of this spring semester and every time I remind myself a shiver runs down my spine. The last few weeks always seem the busiest, hardest, and most stressful because it feels like you have so much left to do in such little time. I’m hoping to be on top of my shit as much as possible, but when I get stressed I procrastinate or sleep. I will say though that I have done the best I’ve ever done in my entire educational life, and there is a possibility that I can pass this semester with all A’s. For the first time in my. entire. LIFE.
I want that for myself so badly. I’ve even written “GET ALL A’S” on my whiteboard in my apartment to try and keep me motivated. As important as my hobbies, talents, and passions are, my education has because the number one priority in my life. It’s so ridiculously ironic for me to type that while in my childhood bedroom because I’ve endured so many lectures from my parents telling me I need to learn how “straighten my priorities” since I procrastinated so much in high school.
Honestly, my biggest motivator is the fact that I only have one more year left, but also, one more year of finally studying what I was meant to study. I love communication and I feel blessed that I enjoy my classes and professors as much as I do.
Now that I mention it… I feel blessed period. Last semester, hell last YEAR, was so incredibly difficult, and this semester has been difficult too, but as I sit in this old bedroom I can’t help but think about the hardest, darkest times of my life that I’ve spent in here, and how that contrasts to how I currently feel. I have a wonderful family, I have fantastic parents, I have friends that love and care about me, and I actually love school. And sure, there are still problems and things I could complain about, but every year that I get older life simultaneously get more difficult and more rewarding.
I’m currently hoping for a new reward given that the past few weeks definitely have not been the best. I need a job, man. If I knew how to sell my soul that is what I’d be doing instead of typing this blog post. I mean, I could probably Google it, but I’m kind of terrified of what would show up. I’ll just leave the fate of my career in the universe’s hands.
(Come on, universe! Make the call!)